I don’t remember the first time, but I remember the pain. The incapacitating feeling of being able to do nothing but breathe and moan. Like knocking your funny bone on the counter or getting your breath knocked out, it has to be endured.
For a man, getting hit in the balls invokes a protective response. I think it’s conditioned from the pain, but either way, its what made Huck Finn close his legs when the woman tested the reality of him being a girl.
Lately, I’ve been wishing my testicles were gone. The advantages would be terrific. I could cross my legs easier, although I now practice what I call the ball crusher maneuver, where I try to squeeze the life out of those little suckers. It’s a very interesting experience. Is that crazy?
Another advantage of having them gone is blocking testosterone. With them gone, My estrogen levels could increase. Of course, I’m not a hormone doctor, but it sounds logical. Either way I’m finished with them. Maybe I could donate them.
When you’re desperate and without resources, you tend to hope for magical solutions like winning the lottery. Anyway, speaking of magical solutions, my writer’s mind dreamed up a solution for me the other day. I thought about an episode of the MASH TV series. In the show, Margaret met a sexy guy, but he couldn’t perform because of an accident.
Okay, you know where I’m going with this, but I need to insert a disclaimer: I am by no means, into masochism. The kids who cut themselves turn my stomach. Still, barring the pain and all that, wouldn’t it be nice to be in an accident?
Those were my thoughts the other day when I was thinking about being rid of my testicles. Suddenly, I remembered the protective reflexes and wondered what I would do. What would you do if your balls were threatened?
Every time I ever got hit down there, it happened so fast, I couldn’t have thought about it if I wanted to. That’s the way accidents happen, but what would you do if that were different? Let’s assume you saw it coming. It makes me cringe to think about scenarios, but let’s assume something sharp and dangerous is headed for your scrotum and you have time to react.
What would you do? Would you get out of the way? Would you close your eyes and let it happen? Fortunately, we humans were born with an instinct of self-protection, but if it meant you would be rid of your male gender parts?
When my genitals are taken, it will be under sedation in a medical facility, but being involved in an accident that forces the issue . . . I know I need the process, but we all dream, don’t we?
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ReplyDeleteOne can make others puzzled absent such 'self defence' reaction.
I was playing softball with co-workers (I was still working as a male, transitioning to female, but was post-op). Yep, I was pitching, the batter hit the ball, and it hit right where most men might fear. But I never developed that male defensive responce; there was no anatomy that caused me to writhe in pain that afternoon. This drew further gossip on the playing field and at the office among those who suspected my change: 'He's a she'.
You also know by now that your thoughts of abhorrence validate you as a true transsexual.
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