I was in a group of conservatives and they were joking about Caitlyn Jenner and transgender people in general. I found myself debating whether I should reveal myself and set the record straight or remain quiet, and let my community down. I wanted to tell them they were embarrassing themselves, and they really didn’t know squat, but I remained quiet.
After a few minutes I realized my rare position. I was a spy in the enemy camp. I listened to the half-baked ideas and prejudice. Then, the idea for this blog post came to mind. A few moments into the conversation I heard so many untruths I realized that many CIS-gender people really don’t have a clue.
In light of when this will post, let’s talk about Independence Day. As you know, two hundred thirty-nine years ago, because of the tyranny of a king, a group of men signed an original document. Two hundred or so, years later, I read an Independence Day article that explored the question, what does it mean to be an American? As we celebrate the Declaration of Independence in the United States, this year, perhaps we should answer the question: What does it mean to be transgender?
Since being transgender is a personal thing, and gender dysphoria manifests itself in many ways, There are many answers to the question. So, let me try to explain what it means to me, and supplicate the responses from others.
First and foremost, is my great need to be. Like the men who found life so unbearable, they decided to risk everything to break away from mother country, Life is unbearable for me. My great need to break away from the gender I was born with makes me willing to risk everything to finally be a woman.
Many CIS people make hurtful jokes and just don’t understand our need. They ask things like, why can’t you just be the gender you were born to be? Trust me, I tried. I fought a constant battle throughout my life. Through it all, the need didn’t change.
Why can’t you just cross dress? It’s not about the clothes. There are many, for whom the thrill of dressing is enough. For me, femininity is a state of mind that doesn’t depend on how I’m dressed. The trappings of womanhood do hold a lure though, but like my desire to play house instead of baseball, it just feels comfortable.
Do you feel you were born in the wrong body? Many people do, but asking that question infers you believe in life before birth. I don’t believe the higher power makes mistakes, but the truth is, we just don’t know. Whether it was medical, spiritual, or some kind of cosmic mistake, my brain was wired to be a girl, even though my body was male.
If we were to talk about body parts, and impotency, I should’ve been a girl.
Many people in the extreme religious right wing debate the transgender medical condition. They hold on to antiquated ideas that transgender is a mental condition. Is that true? It doesn’t surprise me they hold that opinion. The theory helps them hold onto their vision of normal. Believe me, I spent most of my life in agreement with them. I thought I was abnormal. I was alone—I was crazy. Now, I know, I’m not alone. I understand where those feelings came from. As to what caused them . . . I’m persuaded to believe in the XXY syndrome.
The research proving a hormonal connection in the mother’s womb is also very appealing to me. Whatever the cause, I believe there are many more transgender people in the world than anybody realizes. Its just that many people have a bigger shovel and they’re able to bury the feelings.
During some of the more vulnerable moments in my life, I hated myself. I hated what I was. I felt I should be locked up or I should never have been born. That and the ridicule are two compelling reasons for so many suicides. Feeling abnormal can bring anyone to the brink. Is that a mental condition? Maybe, but suicide is prevalent in all walks of life. Depression, fear of the unknown, and persecution is hard to handle. Still we must help our fellow beings feel better about their life.
There is so much to say about this subject, I just don’t have the space in one post. I wanted to first address the myth that somebody suddenly chooses to be transgender. Holy crap! What a ludicrous idea—with all the ostracism and self-loathing that has been my life? That’s like suggesting a child would choose to have bad vision, there are many more examples I could use, but I think I made my point. Transgender life has been so hard for me, I would’ve never made that choice.
To me, being transgender in transition means I will finally match. Having the plumbing that matches the way I think will, hopefully, bring peace.
I will post more of this question in the coming weeks. I plan to take up this question on social media and other sources. Then, I will post comments, and quest blogs. Maybe we can dispel the myths I heard, while spying on that conversation.
So now it’s your turn. Help the world understand. Tell us what being transgender means to you. True understanding, begets love and isn’t that what we all need anyway?
And by the way, have a great Independence Day.
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ReplyDeleteSilence is never a let down; rather it is a matter of self ('tribe') preservation allowing you (us) to infiltrate their camp and fight another day.
Few opposition accept this simple medical reality: gender identity in the brain fixes during the second month of gestation while sex anatomy fixes at the end of the third month. Thus a female brain can develop into a male body and a male brain can develop into a female body.
Rev. Pat Robertson stands alone among the Christian Conservative. He has spoken in support of transsexual research and health care on his CBN '700 Club' TV show.
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