I took another step the other day. This one, however, was not a baby step. When you’ve played at being male for as long as I have, and if your genes are predetermined. A wig becomes necessary for survival and I’ve never owned a good wig. The embarrassing cheap, old, and badly styled hair I’ve owned over the years has brought me to this point. The color of one wig made my head look huge. The truth is, however, wearing those wigs made me look like a man in a wig.
Because of that, when I decided to transition, I held back, opting for an androgynous style. I am a woman on the way, but because of male pattern baldness, nobody would mistake my birth gender.
I go to work each day wearing a mixture of his clothes and mine, but that’s the subject for another blog post. Some of my, more feminine clothes remained in my closet because I needed hair. The other day, I got some, but that statement doesn’t begin to express my joy.
With my savings in hand, and with an appointment, I went to Creative Wigs and Hair Replacement in South Jordan, Utah. The ladies in the shop are fantastic. They understand the needs of transgender women, and they make you feel good about your self.
We picked out several styles and colors to try, but when Brittany put my new hair on me, It was like coming home. I know it will sound trite, but it was the happiest day of my life. With deep emotions, I can’t wait until I get to live full time and forever in my chosen gender.
My new hair is perfect for me. I look like the woman of my dreams, the woman I sacrificed under pressure, on the altar of gender indifference. I purchased my new hair and Brittany asked if I wanted to wear it, or . . . Of course there was no question. I wanted to keep it on forever.
As I left the store, Wendy called out to me and said I look pretty. I waved it off because, even though I loved the way it looked, past experience told me I looked like a guy in a wig. Then I began to wonder. Do I really look pretty? I kept looking in my rearview mirror.
From my past life, I fully understand the importance of customer relations and making them feel good about your product, but that was the first time anybody ever called me pretty. I began to wonder if I could really achieve that lofty goal at my age. After spending my life striving to be the best imitation of a man I could be, could I really turn back the clock?
I applied a minimal makeup since my glasses turn dark in the light and hide my eyes. Then I spent the day writing and visiting certain places around Salt Lake. I used several ladies restrooms, hoping I wouldn’t be noticed. I don’t know how many people figured me out, but nobody said anything, and I had the time of my life.
In every life, there is a first time for everything, and getting new hair was a major step in mine. Do you remember the goals I posted about Diva Las Vegas two years ago? Then again, last year? I didn’t post those goals this year, because even though I didn’t attend the event, I’m working toward those two-year old goals. With new hair I feel confident enough I could attend Diva.
At the end of the day, I had to go home. Since I haven’t come out yet, you know what happened next. With trembling hands, I removed my new hair and gingerly, placed it in the box. It was a sad moment.
While I wore it, though, I took selfies, and I look forward to taking more, wearing the outfits I’ve been planning. I’m working my strategy. I will come out soon. I need to go full time. I have a list and I WILL get there.
Yes it has been a long road since that sad day when I realized I couldn’t be a girl. I’m happier now, than I’ve ever been. AS you can see from the pictures my hair looks great. I don’t know if I look pretty, but do I look feminine? Please, leave an honest comment.
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