I have a limited amount of time in which, to play on my day off. So, when I spent an hour the other night, trying to decide what to wear, I reprimanded myself. "You’re wasting time, you idiot," I said. Then, I realized the irony.
One of the biggest complaints, registered by men, is about how long it takes women to get ready. They pace back and forth looking at their watch, saying, "We’re going to late."
Here I was, a transgender woman, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear, and I complained that I was making myself late. That’s funny when you think about it but I didn’t laugh. I chalked it up to my transition. "Of course it’s going to take a while. You have to look perfect," I said.
Add the whole presentation as a woman issue and I’m lucky I went out at all. Part of the problem, is the dozens of new outfits in my closet. Too many choices have always been my downfall. Another part of the problem comes when I try to impose my masculine routine onto my feminine self. I talked about this in a previous post, but let me explain.
While trying to live the masculine role, I learned to get ready within minutes. Just crap, shower and shave. Brush my teeth and my hair. Get dressed in whatever is handy, and out the door. That was my routine, now there is more to do, and since my decision to transition, I honestly believe it’s harder to make up my mind. When I go to bed, I fall asleep, planning what I will wear next week.
Please realize, I’m not complaining. I’m proud of myself. Truly, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m getting there. I’m becoming the woman I wanted to be.
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