Free Shirts

My wife returned from a yard sale the other day, with two shirts. She said I could wear them around the house. From his point of view, they were just shirts not something he would wear. One of them had pink stripes, and he’d always been taught to avoid that color. Francine, That’s when I stepped in. They weren’t exactly the kind of shirt I would buy, but I something about them, maybe the colors, intrigued me. I thanked my wife and figured he would wear them to mow the lawn.

Have you noticed I refer to male self in the second person a lot? It comes from a lifetime of squelching my inner, feminine, side. I would refer to the name I was born with, but I’m still in the closet so, to speak.

Anyway, I had the opportunity later, to examine the shirts. They were the same size, and it was smaller than he would normally wear. That’s when I noticed the label and it clicked. The label said Roaman’s and they were women’s plus sizes. I ached to try them on, but my wife was watching and I'd put on a camisole, under my shirt, that morning.

I had to know, but trying to appear nonchalant, I thanked her again and walked away. With baited breath, I waited for her to leave and quickly tried them on. Yes, the buttons were on the left and I grinned. They fit, and I began to make plans for when I would wear them and with which outfit. What can I say, I’m a girl. I’m excited to force him to wear the pink stripes in public.

I glance at those shirts hanging on the door and a few questions come to mind. Did my wife know they were women’s shirts? If she did, does she know I’m in transition? Will she notice the button placement and take back her gift? It doesn’t really matter, I won’t give them up now.

I think those questions lead up to the bigger questions I’ve been trying to avoid. What will she do when I tell her I’m trans? Since we don’t have a normal relationship, and we sleep in separate bedrooms anyway, I’m hoping she will just accept my choice. Maybe we can be girlfriends. Probably not, but ever since I heard the words of that hypnosis video, I’ve been happy.

The hypnotist told me, I am a girl. It’s okay to be girly, because I am a girl. I can’t begin to tell how much those words meant to me. It’s like coming home and I will never turn back. I know it’s not fair to those who know me as a man. They didn’t buy into my dysphoria, but I hope they’ll keep an open mind and learn to accept me.

Love Francine