Going all the Way

Lately, being trans is causing consternation. Oh, not in the way you might think. Trepidation seems to be the constant companion of ever transgender person from the beginning of time. No, I’m talking about something new.

Recently, I posted a blog entitled, Damn the Torpedos Full Steam ahead. I went on to say that I was going forward no matter what happens with the right wing zealots in the world. Perhaps the title would better serve this post, because I want so badly to see the Emerald City.

Have you noticed the title picture for this blog? Dorothy is about to launch her journey on the yellow brick road. I called it “Babysteps” because of my desire to have my cake and eat it too. Ok before you shoot me for all the clichés and platitudes, I will explain.

We all have the fear of coming to the end of the brick road, with no job, no friends, and no family. I know it doesn’t have to happen that way, and if the truth were told, many transgender people live full and valuable lives after transition. Fear of the nightmare, however, force many of us to proceed with caution.

What will and won’t be accepted at work keeps many of us in the closet. We tend to postpone the inevitable coming out conversation until some nebulous day in the future. We unconsciously hold on to masculinity and our other identity because the future is scary.

I’m almost sixty and I’m running out of time. The forces trying to push me back into my gender role are getting stronger. Even my body is rebelling. I need to do this and I need to do this right, now. To relieve my consternation, I daydream about leaving everything, moving away and starting a new life. Yes, I would likely be alone, but I would be . . .