Felicity, making up my mind

According to Webster’s, here are some of the definitions of felicity,

1 The quality or state of being happy; great happiness.

2 Something that causes happiness.

3 A pleasing manner or quality especially in art or language.

These paraphrased meanings describe my ideal state of being. After all, who wouldn’t want to be happy? After a lifetime of dwelling in the closet of denial, I am approaching the state of nirvana called femininity. Finally becoming the woman I always wanted to be, is a goal I never thought I’d reach.

Soon, the stars will align, and I’ll wake in the recovery room, feeling like a truck ran over my crotch. I will grin in my perfect state of felicity. No, I haven’t seen a therapist yet, but I finally made up my mind. I’m working toward that elusive state I should’ve reached years ago.

Do you remember when I debated a new name? Back in January, I posted a blog talking about my initials and how I hated being called Francine. As a young cross dresser, I went by Christine, Christy for short, but I grew up and turned my male initials backward. I became Francine Nichole Keller. As I mentioned in January, I’d never heard anyone call me that.

After my self-identification as transgender, somebody called me Francine over the phone, and I hated the sound. So, In January, I investigated other names. For a while, I thought I would switch the initials back and go by Kaye with the same last name I was born with, but it didn’t seem to work. When I read the above, definition, Felicity struck a familiar chord.

Felicity works with my pen name as a writer, so I will be changing to Felicity. (I love that name.) I know it will be more difficult to change my male name to Felicity, but I will live the life my name describes. I will pay it forward and help others find happiness in their circumstances.

Beyond the legal name change, there are myriad other things that have to be changed. Things like Facebook, e-mail and other correspondence. It’s going to be a lot of work. Maybe I’ll wait until I wake in that hospital room. I need to get a make-over to go with my new name.

Love Felicity.