The Line, Unisex Bathrooms, & Broken Resolve

The Line

As you might’ve figured, I’m a rather large woman. I fill a 52D bra with no problem. I think it’s my XXY genes, but it might be fat, too. I wonder how that will change with HRT and when I finally get off my behind and get the exercise I need. Anyway, for now, It gives me pride. Well, except when I wear a T-shirt in male mode and my breasts sag.

I watched him in the reflective surface of the door, as he walked into a store one day. The first thing I thought was, he needs a bra. I took him home, put on a bra under the T-shirt and I was back. I love the line my bra makes across the front of my top. There are other reasons that I love my bras. I love the way my nipples feel against the fabric, but mostly, I love the line.

Bathrooms

Several years ago, during my man up period, I hung out at a local coffee shop. It was a national chain store, and my friends and I started hanging out there as soon as it opened. On one of my late night ventures the other day, I went to that coffee shop. When I went to use the bathrooms, I found they had converted some space into a unisex bathroom.

"Cool," I said, but I used the men’s anyway. I was dressed in semi male mode and didn’t think to use MY restroom. After all they put it there for me. I don’t like that coffee shop so I never go there, but if I do, I’m going to use my restroom.

Resolve

I’m having trouble lately. I want to be a woman so badly, but life is getting in the way. I read blogs written by my personal heroes and I feel I can do it, too. I can turn my fifty-six year old body into my desired gender. Then, my responsibilities get in the way. I look at my selfies and I see a woman with the torso of a linebacker. Even with varicose veins, my legs are okay. Although they look like toothpicks attached to the body of a man.

Dressing is going to take more work. Especially, if I want to attract a man. I know that many of you have passed this way before. You’ve navigated these waters and emerged as the woman you are. I’m drowning in the waters of self-doubt. Damn it’s hard to keep my vision in the daylight of responsibility.

Anyway, he might win, but I’ll get through it. May God bless you.