PTSD Bringing out the Woman

I watched a transgender MTF being interviewed on the news the other day. She talked about her reasons for transition and I noticed a common thread running through her story. I’ve read many biographies of transgender women, and that thread was there.

There are exceptions, and some won’t admit it, but many of us failed in our masculine roles. As for me, I feel I can’t be a man anymore. I just can’t measure up to expectations. I’m not sure what being a woman will do for me, but there is a lot of appeal in fulfilling the traditional role of housewife.

Oh, sure, we all talk about our childhood, and how we longed to be girls, but I’ve noticed that most of us who transition later in life, talk about triggers (although we don’t call them that). There was something that made life unbearable as a man and pushed us into remembering the comfortable feminine role.

Most of us have been cross-dressing since childhood, so it’s not about the clothes. It’s about the warm feeling of joy we remember from those days, before we were forced into a masculine role. We lament the natural way our lives should’ve played out. I admire those who’ve had it both ways. With an understanding spouse, they successfully cross back and forth. They found happiness in both roles.

Getting back the trigger, and some of our feelings of failure, I’ve noticed a great many of my sisters served in the military. Could it be a provoking factor?

While watching a documentary about ex-soldiers with post-traumatic stress disorder, I realized I have some of those same symptoms. Mine, were caused by working for many years, under the thumb of an overbearing, abusive manager. Then being fired from that career job. Not as drastic as war, but I think that was my trigger.

I wonder if PTSD was a trigger for a lot of transgender veterans. If I got PTSD from being the whipping boy of a manager, I wonder how many of my veteran sisters got it also? My boss managed people like a drill sergeant trains, well, you get the point.

Keep it in mind, however, that I might not know what I’m talking about.
Like the woman on the news, I was born with uncertain genitals. Erectile dysfunction plagued my teenage years, and never went away. I wanted to be a girl, and I wanted to be seduced by them. Yes, my dysphoria or discombobulation is real, so is that of my sisters, but I wonder what their trigger was.

Oh, ladies . . . and gentlemen. We are embarking on a new life. The possibilities are endless. I hope and pray, all of you will find peace because I love you.

Love Francine