Backsliding

After writing about my goals last time, I ran head long into a problem. I hadn’t considered my condition. I cut my food consumption to practically nothing and started eating foods with no fat and no calories. I’m diabetic and I had an episode at work the other day. When it happened again, I pigged out and felt better.

I now know, this won’t be the proverbial walk in the park, but I’m still getting there. I’m eating salads and trying to understand my condition. I’m transgender however, and I will achieve my goals. Losing all those extra pounds will probably alleviate the diabetes anyway, then I’ll be on my way.

In a conversation with me the other day, a friend of mine talked about people who move too fast through transition. She is perfectly happy to remain transgender without the surgery. "Those who move too quickly," she said. "Often regret it later.

I assure you, I’m taking baby steps. I’ll be absolutely positive of my need before I submit to surgery. I do feel pressed, however, but only because of my age. I’ve missed so much in my life.

Which, again, raises the questions I’ve been dealing with on my previous blog: Can I be happy without complete transition? Will cross-dressing be sufficient? Could I be happy with hormones alone? There is also the question of, could I sacrifice my family on the altar of femininity? Oh, how I hope for an understanding relationship that allows for my expression.

Believe me, I plan to re-examine these questions during each stage of the process. Hopefully, you’ll be here to help me make those choices. Every time something else happens, You’ll be the first people I tell.