Damn the Torpedos Full Speed Ahead

This post was written April 1 and might be a little old news. Still, I hope you like it.

Having never seen the movie, I don’t know, but I’m told the actor never said that. It’s perfect, however, as a battle cry. Especially, with the news out of Florida, Alabama, and Indiana. With all the inroads trans people like us have made into society lately, the restrictive legislation (of late), shouldn’t surprise anyone. Of course the opposition would fight back. Knowing that however, doesn’t lesson the fear.

The question arises, with bathroom laws being passed, hate being expressed, and fear being wielded like a sword, how can I continue down this road?  I’m in transition, heading for GRS, wouldn’t it be safer to crawl back in the closet?

I don’t know, would it? When the nazi’s hunted Jews and homosexuals, they broke down doors, killed people, and ruined lives. The current mania from the religious right is no different. They claim to eschew Hitler and the Nazi’s but they follow their lead. If I went back into stealth, and tried to play the role, how long would it be before they came for me? 

The truth is, I have embarked on a course of action that might very well, get me killed, but I cannot turn around. No, I choose to continue. I spent a whole life trying to deny my feelings. Now, for the first time, I am happy. I’m changing who I was. I’m moving toward the life I dreamed of. In all seriousness, It won’t be easy, but I plan to enjoy my life before the nazi’s catch me in their crosshairs.

Still, and all, the Nazi’s evil plan might fail. I noticed the whole state of Connecticut, has boycotted the State of Indiana. Who knows, freedom to pee might be reestablished.

The Real Test

http://quizly.io/quiz/picture-storytelling-test-will-determine-your-personality

Have you ever seen the inkblots some therapists use to get a response from their patients. Without going into detail, as I understand it, somebody, dripped ink on the center of a piece of paper. Then they folded it, making a smudge. They made others, and use the blots to analyze the answers based on established norms.

I’m not a doctor, but if you think about it, what you see in the inkblots could indicate what’s on your mind. If a person dwells on unfilled feelings of love for a parent it could somehow translate to what the patient sees in the images. A test I found on Facebook the other day, cheated on the inkblots, because, it was multiple choice.

It all started when I found the attached picture. You’ve seen them. Just click on the link and take whatever test, and they will rate you. The one on the right explains itself. I needed a short break from work so I took the test. As you might’ve guessed there wasn’t a place for write in answers, but most of the pictures made me think of a different answer than the ones provided.
 
Anyway, I cut and pasted the test into PowerPoint, and added my answers. Perhaps they show I have trans on the brain, but I think this test would do a far better job of diagnosing Gender Dysphoria, than the GOGATI.

Have you taken the GOGATI? I took it twice. I heard, The Combined Gender Identity And Transsexual Inventory was developed to help therapists determine the depth of your dysphoria. I don’t think, however, it is allowed in diagnosis. Anyway I took it once, when I was trying to figure things out, and got a score of 280. I took it again when I decided to transition and got a 330. Both scores gave me a classification four, which means probable transsexual.

I noticed the test goes on and on. I’m sure that boredom plays a big part in people’s answers. It also keeps asking the same questions worded slightly different. Anyway, I don’t think cheating the test is that hard. Since, it depends on honest answers.

After taking the test above, an idea occurred. With all the degrees of Transition preoccupation a therapist could use the images like the inkblots to diagnose Gender Dysphoria. Why waste time with endless therapy? Just give us the test, and send us to the endocrinologist. 

When you see my answers versus the test you’ll see what I mean. Transgender is a big part of every minute in my life, lately. I’m leaving the man behind. That’s why my mind provided the answers it did. I’m ready to move on toward GRS.

Since I don’t know an easy way to post a Power Point into blogger, zoom up on the video. I’m sorry for the quality. Compare my answers to theirs. I’m interested to hear your first impressions of the images.

Onboard, With the Program, Time to Move Forward.

You might’ve noticed, My blog posts aren’t always current. That’s because I write them ahead of time. If I ever get a real following, I’ll start posting everyday. Something happened last week, though, and I felt an urgency to tell you about it. Nevertheless, Its taking me a while to write because, I want to say it right.

I took another step the other day. This one, however, was not a baby step. When you’ve played at being male for as long as I have, and if your genes are predetermined. A wig becomes necessary for survival and I’ve never owned a good wig. The embarrassing cheap, old, and badly styled hair I’ve owned over the years has brought me to this point. The color of one wig made my head look huge. The truth is, however, wearing those wigs made me look like a man in a wig.

Because of that, when I decided to transition, I held back, opting for an androgynous style. I am a woman on the way, but because of male pattern baldness, nobody would mistake my birth gender.

I go to work each day wearing a mixture of his clothes and mine, but that’s the subject for another blog post. Some of my, more feminine clothes remained in my closet because I needed hair. The other day, I got some, but that statement doesn’t begin to express my joy.

With my savings in hand, and with an appointment, I went to Creative Wigs and Hair Replacement in South Jordan, Utah. The ladies in the shop are fantastic. They understand the needs of transgender women, and they make you feel good about your self.

We picked out several styles and colors to try, but when Brittany put my new hair on me, It was like coming home. I know it will sound trite, but it was the happiest day of my life. With deep emotions, I can’t wait until I get to live full time and forever in my chosen gender.

My new hair is perfect for me. I look like the woman of my dreams, the woman I sacrificed under pressure, on the altar of gender indifference. I purchased my new hair and Brittany asked if I wanted to wear it, or . . . Of course there was no question. I wanted to keep it on forever.

As I left the store, Wendy called out to me and said I look pretty. I waved it off because, even though I loved the way it looked, past experience told me I looked like a guy in a wig. Then I began to wonder. Do I really look pretty? I kept looking in my rearview mirror.

From my past life, I fully understand the importance of customer relations and making them feel good about your product, but that was the first time anybody ever called me pretty. I began to wonder if I could really achieve that lofty goal at my age. After spending my life striving to be the best imitation of a man I could be, could I really turn back the clock?

I applied a minimal makeup since my glasses turn dark in the light and hide my eyes. Then I spent the day writing and visiting certain places around Salt Lake. I used several ladies restrooms, hoping I wouldn’t be noticed. I don’t know how many people figured me out, but nobody said anything, and I had the time of my life.

In every life, there is a first time for everything, and getting new hair was a major step in mine. Do you remember the goals I posted about Diva Las Vegas two years ago? Then again, last year? I didn’t post those goals this year, because even though I didn’t attend the event, I’m working toward those two-year old goals. With new hair I feel confident enough I could attend Diva.

At the end of the day, I had to go home. Since I haven’t come out yet, you know what happened next. With trembling hands, I removed my new hair and gingerly, placed it in the box. It was a sad moment.

While I wore it, though, I took selfies, and I look forward to taking more, wearing the outfits I’ve been planning. I’m working my strategy. I will come out soon. I need to go full time. I have a list and I WILL get there.

Yes it has been a long road since that sad day when I realized I couldn’t be a girl. I’m happier now, than I’ve ever been. AS you can see from the pictures my hair looks great. I don’t know if I look pretty, but do I look feminine? Please, leave an honest comment.

Let My People Pee

https://www.facebook.com/TransGraphics?fref=ts

We’ve all made the connection. All of us, who lived during the civil rights movement. Some of us remember the headlines and the newspaper pictures. Non Caucasian people were human, too. Nevertheless they were treated like non-humans.

In trying to analyze the thinking behind white’s only bathrooms, and unchecked segregation, I shake my head. After all what were the authors of those laws afraid of?

As history often does, the whole scenario is playing out again. At least the Jim Crow laws recognized the need for other facilities. There were whites only and other restrooms, along with drinking fountains. The whole thing was ridiculous.

Now, with another generation of bigots marching through the legislatures, The battle cry is against transgender people. Holy crap! What are they afraid of? I know there are other, more eloquent voices to speak out against this, but the insinuation offends me, As I’m sure it does you. In the first place transgender women only want to fit in. Secondly, they aren’t sex maniacs. So, what is causing the fear?

In kindergarten we talked about getting cooties from the opposite sex. Is that what the bigots are afraid of? I think it goes much deeper, and nothing we can say will change their minds. You see they are right wing religious bigots and they think they’re fighting God’s war.

We can try to convince them, but our words only fall on deaf ears. The whole time they hear Onward Christian Soldiers playing in their head. I used to love that hymn. Now it makes me think of religious persecution, and reminds me of all the victims, killed in the crusades over time. There is another popular hymn they need to hear. In reference to Moses talking to Pharoah about freeing the children of Isreal, the hymn goes Let my people go. the graphic above, explains itself.

They claim they are protecting women from sexual predators, but the truth is, there are no case histories of that ever happening in the history of mankind. Trans women just want to get in, pee, and get out. the don't want to socialize. 

Take the case of the genetic woman at the gym. She saw a transgender woman in the restroom. She thought she was fighting the battle God wanted her to fight. The owners of the gym got tired of her complaints and kicked her out. You see the problem arose, not because the trans woman was a threat, she went in, did her business and got out. The problem was in the genetic woman’s mind.

Does that story piss you off? (No pun intended). It does me. Anyone, trans or not, who has been singled out and discriminated against, should be incensed. Like non-whites in the nineteen-sixties, we just want to pee. We’re sorry our existence offends you—get over it. 

As grim as it sounds, we all have scarlet letters pinned to our chest. A big letter T is all we need in our lives. Wasn’t the hazing in grade school enough? I spent my whole life coming to grips with who I am. Leave me alone.

Apparently, those who would ban trans, would rather we not pee. How stupid is that? They attack unisex restrooms and advocate lumping us into the gender of our birth. I quit going to gym class in junior high because of the hazing, what makes them think I want to submit to that again?